By Al Fasoldt
Copyright © 1992, The Syracuse Newspapers
If you're like me, you probably thought technology was supposed
to make your life easier.
All those gadgets and gizmos would give you more leisure time,
right?
Fat chance, pal. I've begun to believe that the only benefit of
all this newfangled modernity is more time to study the owner's
manuals.
Take my new VCR.
Please.
Actually, it works great, but it's driving me crazy.
Of course, it's not one of those regulation Amurrican products
with clear instruction manuals ("Place brick in hand and
apply mortar"—that was really written on bag of good old
U.S. cement a few years ago), so I have to decipher the Japenglish
in the manual each time I need to do something with the VCR.
And that's precisely twice a year. Right after everybody else
changes their clocks.
Don't get me wrong. I know how to change the time on a clock whenever
daylight-saving time starts and ends. You push the button. Or
maybe you turn the knob.
That's just the problem with my VCR. It doesn't have a button.
It has BUTTONS. You don't just press one of them. You manipulate
an army of buttons—if you're lucky.
Step 1 begins when you press a tiny button at the left of the
remote control. That produces a menu on the screen. If the menu
shows the time, no matter what the time is, even if the time is
"00:00:00," you have successfully completed the first
step.
If the menu on the screen does not show the time, look through
the menu choices for something that says either "time"
or "clock" (or maybe "time of day"-I think
I've seen all three), and then look for a number in front of the
menu choice that you are looking for.
Stay with me here.
Now quickly reach down to the equally tiny number buttons on the
remote control and find the number that matches the one that is
displayed on the screen in front of the choice that you want to
make. Don't delay this essential act for more than a second or
two, or you'll find the menu has done something really clever—it's
disappeared.
If that has happened, go back to Step 1. If that has not happened,
go to Step 2.
Step 2 is only a little easier. Reach down to the tiny numbers
on the remote and find the one that matches the hour. Do this
with your right hand while holding the remote with your left.
With your foot (shoes off, socks on, if you like) turn the pages
of the owner's manual to the section titled "Setting the
Clock" and look for a discussion of "24-hour time."
(Yes, I realize you figured that even in a recession, all time
was 24-hour time, even though some of us seem to work 25-hour days, but VCRs sometimes prefer such settings as "14:00:00"
instead of "2 p.m.," for reasons that are obscure.)
If you need to use 24-hour time, look for another clock in the
living room and see if it's noon yet. If it's not, you're in luck,
since you can pretend 24-hour time is the same as regular time,
and you can go on to Step 3.
If it's past noon, add "2" to every hour past "12"
and go to Step 3. In Step 3, press the tiny buttons so that the
screen shows the right time-if the screen is still showing the
menu. (If not, return to Step 1.) Then look for another tiny button
marked "ENTER" on the remote control and press it, too.
Do it quickly, or the menu may disappear, and you'll have to return
to Step 1.
Now look at the menu and find something that says "DONE"
or "EXIT" or something like that (I wish I could be
more help at this point, but usually I never get this far). Then
press the tiny button on the remote that matches the number on
the screen.
There! You've set the time. Now you're ready to set the timer
to record your favorite shows.
Got the manual at your feet? Remote control ready? Two aspirin
standing by?
On second thought, maybe we should cover this at another time.
technofile:
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