While thousands were converging on Cleveland this past weekend for the American League playoffs, I and thirty other United Church of Christ  ministers, professionals and lay leaders  gathered to talk about men’s ministries. Ordinarily this might have been a real yawn but recent times are far from ordinary and the problems faced and caused by men are reaching a critical threshold and can no longer be ignored.

Consider  some facts about  men:  We don’t go to church much;  in fact we make up only 3 in 10 who attend worship services on Sundays.  We  are far too often  unfaithful, violent and irresponsible with our wives and families.  We are out of touch and  isolated from one another and ourselves.  We don’t know how to express our feelings, but, at a very deep level, we feel ashamed about who we are as men.  Most of all,  we are in a lot of pain. We have been bashed by feminists and embarrassed by sports and political leaders.  In short, it is not a very good time for  us.

Of course we have heard about this before. In deed, several years ago Promise Keepers was big, gathering thousands of men in sports stadia across the country, calling them to grow up, commit themselves to Christ, their wives, and families.  So why would the UCC think it necessary to get together to talk about the need for new men’s ministries?

Briefly: There has been little sensitivity or understanding of the institutional and cultural factors which have contributed to men’s poor behavior.  Men’s groups have tended to be organized around  a hierarchical, dominance/ obedience model which stressed compliance to    law.  Traditionally, men’s associations have been homogenous and compartmentalized with respect to  spirituality and sexuality. More to the point,  although they are supposedly for all men in fact they were only open to straight men.

The UCC delegates affirmed a vision which was  strikingly different.  For example, consider the typical attitudes toward Clinton  reported in the  media recently.   These views are very  heavy on the moral self righteousness but thin on understanding or  realistic solutions which might be helpful. Most are little more than personal  condemnations and calls for better self control, more will power and individual character.  If we are going to make an impact on men’s behavior we are going to have to do better than Nancy Reagan’s, “Just say no...”

One way of doing better is by examining the underlying issues which contribute to men’s vulnerability and  subsequent behavioral  difficulties.  When this is done, the group found, that  the   underlying and contributing factors  were the elements of  shame, isolation and denial.

Perhaps most telling was the experience that many  men felt, at some deep level, that they honestly did not know what it meant to be authentically a man. They were aware that to be a man meant to be powerful and sexual but too frequently these were experienced as  brutality and violence or  abuse and addiction. Few had a sense of their created goodness.

These elements are not excuses but undeniable facts that have influenced the lives of many men who are in trouble. Specifically, absent fathers and the lack of strong male leadership and role models are often found in the histories of men who have had the most trouble.

A Christian  response to men’s needs  starts by turning to God and the Bible for guidance but  unlike traditional approaches the UCC sees reality of God as  incarnate.  Biblical stories, diverse and varied  reveal  the presence of God working in  the lives of people.

Using the master stories to model and personal mentoring to develop trust with  another, men can discover the life transforming power god in their lives.  By establishing a network of one-on-one and small group  relationships made up of older men with younger, the Church  may create safe places for men   of all ages to learn and grow and mature in faith and love.

Assisting men to talk and listening to what they have to say is just as important as teaching or  preaching.   Men need the opportunity to listen to their own hearts, share their voices with one another and be affirmed.  If men are given a safe, non-condemning place and  an opportunity to talk,  they will be able to discover the gifts of the spirit they possess.

Likewise,  the consequence of men getting together with other men to grow in spiritual maturity does not mean that men have to reclaim some outmoded notion  of dominance over women.   The capacity to express fear and uncertainty, to reach out for help and not have to solve all problems  by oneself does not imply becoming more womanly but becoming more fully human.

Finally and  most notable of our society and unaddressed by men’s ministries at this time, is its multi-cultural diversity and its rampant homophobia.  Again, the concern of the UCC vision is not simply to denounce hate such crimes as the murder of college student  Matthew Shephard, but to address the underlying issues which lead to such misunderstanding, fear and rage, i.e. ignorance and embarrassment about our sexuality as well as its splitting off  from a mature understanding of spirituality and faith.

The new UCC men’s ministries will be open to gays in a way unheard of in previous  Christian groups. Just as we have learned that other cultures and  races enrich our experience of faith so too we must learn  that other sexual orientations can add to our understanding of God’s love as well as to the process of men  learning to love themselves and one another better.