Recently Time magazine wondered if Feminism was in serious decline. It suggested that if the hit TV character, Ally McBeal, is the new role model for the modern young women, feminism is in trouble.

I don't' know if feminism is in decline but it's certainly under attack. Evidence of this was seen several weeks ago when the Souther Baptist convention voted to amend its fundamental statement of faith for the first time in 90 years. I see the statement, which calls upon all faithful women to be "gracefully submissive" to their husbands, as yet another instance of how men attempt to legitimate their efforts to feel better about themselves by lowering women, in this case by draping it in religious trappings. The copy cat effort which follows the, now defunct, Promise Keepers lead, nonetheless exposes that this pernicius view of marriage is still alive.

While denominational leaders denied that the vote in any way suggested that women were inferior or of a lower status, their comments were weak and no one believed them.

While the move has been heavily criticized and lampooned in the press and by comedians, there is something that has been overlooked by the media and is, I believe, of great importance, i.e., the assumptions contained within the "women must submit" vision, especially concerning the dynamics of conflict resolution among equals.

How much data do we need to accept that the Norman Rockwell image of the traditional family, where in the man was the unquestioned head of the family was also often racked with violence and abuse? I wish to suggest is that it is the very hierarchical structure that not only contributes to physical and emotional aggression but also reveals a coercion-based system for regulating and controlling family members.

Although the patriarchal system has been traditionally associated with Christianity, it must not be seen as the only model for the Christian home any more than slavery was the exclusive structure for a Christian society.

The rationale used to defend male dominated hierarchy was Natural Order. According to this view God created the universe as a hierarchy i.e., God on top with men, women and children in descending order.

What is it about the notion of hierarchy that is so hard to shake? Politically have grown beyond it with our democratic system and accepted that we don't need kings any more. In religion, Protestants have accepted that they don't need a pope. Racially, we acknowledge the equality of all people and strive to end discrimination. Why is it that we have such trouble believing women are equal to men? And by equal I don't mean that men and women are identical but that they have the same rightd to control and determine their own and lives.

Why must men be in charge? As a therapist I could say that we prefer hierarchy out of a childhood longing for security and order and because of our inability to tolerate the chaos and uncertainty of the world. Politically, it could be said that absolute governments are always more efficient and definitive or that democracy is a messy kind of process that is slow and uncertain in its meanderings.

Maybe the power of hierarchy comes not so much from God's order as it does from men's need to control. Patriarchy

is not so much a theological necessity as it is a psychological convenience for men. After all, even St. Paul wrote that "in Christ there is neither male nor female." ( Gal.3.28)

Rather than trying to prop up sexism with pseudo theology perhaps it is time for men to start talking about the dirty little secret of natural law , i.e., that it is based upon the underlying potential of coercion and the implicit threat of violence.

It is assumed in a hierarchy, that all are subject to the will of the leader. If one does not submit then one is subject to punishment or forced compliance. When this comes to families it is easy to see how a sense of entitlement can lead to abuse.

The fact is there is another non hierarchical way for husbands and wives to relate to one another and to make decisions and way to settle differences without resorting to threats of violence. There is another way to have leadership without gender entitlement and with a less control- oriented style.

This other way is call called negotiating within an equal partnership. And surprising ly it is not a new idea anthropologist such as Riane Eisler have demonstrated that cooperative community and family structures actually predated patriarchy.

In an equal partnership decisions are not made by an absolute leader. From this model women are not called upon to givein to their husbands but negotiate with them. Conflicts are not are not resolved by authoritative fiat but by reaching mutually agreeable solutions.

If we let go of hierarchy and embrace equality and partnership everybody wins. Women are empowered and men have a heavy burden lifted from their shoulders.

Having preached a sermon to this effect recently a parishioner shared the lesson he learned from the popular novel The Horse Whisperer. He said that, among other things, the story was about a man who used an alternative way to train horses which did not employ the ancient practice of "breaking" their spirit. His approach which worked with rather than forcing the animal against its will, was amazingly successful.

Of course humans aren't horses but the analogy is simply to suggest that if we can work with animals with a system which is not based on coercion, isn't it about time we realize that women deserve no less. Dealing with the challenges marriage and family pose for modern couples requires that men stop hiding behind outdated notions of entitlement. We must begin to acknowledge that there are no simple answers or magical solutions to resolve disagreements. What is required is a commitment to hard work and compromise. Rather than seeing marriage as composed of a dominant and submissive member, true partnership must be seen as a union of equals who are understood to be a completely equal in all matters of authority.

Paradigm shifts are never easy but perhaps the Baptist's demands for submission are but the last gasp death throws of an outdated structure which is on the verge of collapse.