HEY KIDS! To become part of the exclusive Nekritz Bros. Fan club and for more information about either of these fine gentlemen, their love interests, sizes of body parts, current hair cut, latest bowel movements, etc., write to:

Nekritz Bros. Fan Club
C/O Patrick Stella's Pants Club
248 West Fifth Street
Oswego, New York 13126

Tim Nekritz (left) is the left side of this brain. Analytical, sensible, practical, all those boring things. Yeah. His claims to fame include unintentionally embarrassing spelling-challenged teachers as far back as first grade, developing more unfinished novels and story concepts than an attention-deficient freshman writing class, and winning several creative awards in the fields of journalism and public relations.

By day, Tim is the associate director of public affairs for SUNY Oswego. Many people are disappointed when they learn that this doesn’t involve arranging extramarital affairs in public, but his job is an exciting and satisfying one that allows him plenty of creativity and enough money to maintain his outerwear-buying fetish.

In his spare time, Tim’s main hobby is pursuing his master’s in history, with an eye toward being either a pop culture or media historian. Or maybe an astronaut. That would be cool. He also does the occasional freelance thing, sits on community boards and committees, and frequently wastes his free time trying to convince Web users the difference between “it’s” and “its” – a prospect more daunting than his master’s thesis.

Colin Nekritz (below right) has been an unemployed steel worker for years, often given odd jobs like cleaning frozen poles with his tongue or testing to see if 9V batteries still have a charge. Lately companies have been offering him work laying out stuff, sorta like designing or something. "It's worse than cleaning toilets," he recently uttered, "but at least I can doze off at work without worrying about drowning." If designing stuff doesn't work out, Colan hopes to nap more.

His hobbies include playing in traffic, belching, and figuring out how to get into the self-help industry (those who don't do usually teach, that's Colin's way.)

Colin will ignore threats so don't bother. He may reply to you if you write him an email if you don't sound like another porn site spamming him.